Being faithful in a place of intimacy can be intimidating, but it can also be an opportunity for growth. And no matter how much we read about it or ponder on it, each of us is always a novice because we can only experience our family at this point for the first time. Having said that, though, I would like to share some principles.
Worship in the Family
The first principle is that families are families, not little churches. The religious life of the family must be based on its everyday life, and not allowed to become an appendage of congregational programs. The family does not need to mirror the congregation's traditional Sunday morning expression of faith.
Seasonal or program elements are important, but they should not become the major way faith is nurtured in a family. The temptation to let the congregation shape the family's faith expression is particularly strong for those who work professionally in the church (it's another way of taking work home!). But families have their own life; that life should be the basis of prayer and ritual and celebration within the home.
Family worship is best when it feels simply like another aspect of being a family together, and not like going to church.
It is important, therefore, to take the needs of each family into account. Is it a one or two parent home? How old are the children? Do the parents work outside the home? Are the children involved in outside activities? Is there an abundance of time together, or a scarcity?
An expression of spirituality within the family must help to re-create the individuals and their relationships within that small community. Instead of adding a weekly Lenten evening to an active and over-committed family, for example, that time together might be better spent with a short reading and prayer to begin an evening of simply being with one another.
The style of family is also a key to deciding on a natural expression of faith. Is this a family that likes to sing together? Is reading a chief pleasure? Are crafts something that they like to do? Do they like to dance? Have they a strong commitment to justice issues? Is the pursuit of knowledge a high value? Would they rather go for a hike or watch a video together? Through such questions, a family decides how to express its faith, and how to learn together around its favorite activities. Dramatizing a Bible story and talking about it might suit one family. Another might choose to go skating together, and then sing seasonal songs over hot chocolate.
What the family chooses to celebrate is also important. Unlike the church's calendar, the family calendar can be shaped around family priorities. Birthdays, first days at work or school, holidays, exams, new skills learned---all of these can be made occasions for worship together. Add to that interesting cultural days--- Martin Luther King Day, Hiroshima Day, the spring equinox---all are opportunities for a family to explore the meaning of their faith. The family calendar can also incorporate the feasts and seasons of the church year---baptismal days, Epiphany, Pentecost...Family worship can integrate all aspects of people's lives within the contexts of prayer.
Honor the Members of the Family
From the principles of taking family life seriously as the basis for faith expression, the second principle follows easily: Honor the father, or mother, or sister or brother. Whatever combination of people makes up a family, it is crucial within the family to honor each individual's needs and gifts. Family worship can too easily become an instrument for manipulation or control: "Be quiet! I don't care what you want---it's time for family devotions!"
To truly welcome God's presence into our midst means taking time to hear the smallest child or the crankiest member. If a regular family meal ritual is constantly undermined by children who want to get away to play with friends, or by parents who are too tired to participate properly, it might be better to schedule such a meal once a week, or even once a month, to ensure that it meets its purpose.
So too, if a child or parent is too upset by something to pray. It honors that person to let him or her say, "I don't want to pray right now. Can we just talk instead?" Such sensitivity to individual needs teaches God's love and compassion.
Honoring the individual also means taking the developmental needs of family members into account. For a family with more than one child, that may mean dealing with a relatively wide age span. Ten and thirteen-year-olds have different interests! Learning to make decisions together that will meet everyone's needs is a valuable lesson.
Do It Together
Activities need to be designed around the ages and interests of participants. For example, a family that enjoys music could nurture the faith of its members musically. Young people's favorite music (religious or not) could be played for everyone to dance to. A simple, "Let's thank God that we can sing and dance," at the end of the activity might suffice for worship. Youth could pick some of their favorite music for the family to listen to.
Choose Projects That Will Enable Everyone to Participate and Offer Their Gifts
Making an Advent banner, for example, can be a wonderful way to explore symbols. A child who can read might look up the symbols, and explain them to the family. Those who like to draw could work on the design. Everyone can cut and paste. Everyone can join in an Advent litany or hymn to bless the banner.
Remember to give enough time to the project so that it remains a family liturgy, and does not become a rush to meet a deadline. The goal is not to produce a perfect banner, but to create something together that expresses the life of the family at that moment in time. In time, these activities will themselves become symbols of the family's faith.
Create Family Symbols and Rituals
Symbols are the key to nurturing faith in families. Each of us, no matter what our age, is moved by the power of symbols. Each of us creates symbols that move us. Some symbols maybe traditional mangers at Christmas, crosses during Lent, doves for Pentecost. Other symbols will be highly individual---souvenirs of a holiday, photos of someone's birthday, leaves collected on an autumn walk.
If we as families can uphold the symbols of our faith and our lives, we can share the meaning of those symbols with each other; those symbols will become carriers of our faith for a long, long time.
Interpreting Scripture
Children, hearing a Bible story, try to understand it. What they do not understand, they supply from their own experience. Adolescents and adults do the same but because their experience is broader, so is their interpretation fuller. That does not necessarily make their interpretation any richer or more insightful than the child's.
If we understand that we all interact with the stories of our faith, and if we are willing to hear the insights of each person, then telling or reading Bible stories with young people becomes one more way of nurturing faith. If, however, parents are afraid to let their children interpret the Scriptures, from their own understanding, if parents want to ensure a "correct" interpretation, then it may be better to hold off reading the Bible together. Theological manipulation helps no one.
The biblical story is the drama of our faith, and is given to us as a people. Discussion that allows the insights of each family member to surface will enable that story to take root within us and grow.
Families Are Families, Not Churches
For faith to grow in families, it must express the life experience of that family and of the individuals within it. Symbols, rituals, readings, songs, activities---all are ways to nurture faith. If they are done with joy and sensitivity and freedom, they will shape our lives.
