Do we? This word, tolerance, has been a thorn in my side. When I read this to the class and stated my dislike of the word tolerance, the reactions from my classmates were almost unilaterally negative. No one had a good feeling about the word.

I had the blessing to come into the church at All Saints, Indianapolis, a parish that is very open and affirming, where gay and straight could just as easily describe the weather or the way a road runs as a person's orientation; a parish where black and white more often describes the victory flag for the "500." I was fortunate to have a community teach me compassion and understanding for everyone.

If we mean what we say, the word tolerance should be stricken from everything to do with the Episcopal Church in the USA. Tolerance is the cause of much of the pain we experience and has nothing to do with being Christ-like. I realize that tolerance is synonymous with words like self-control, patience and mercy, and may be a good first step. But, tolerance to almost everyone in that EFM class raised the hairs on the backs of their necks.

If I tolerate someone I don't like them. I certainly don't love, embrace, include or respect them. I allow them to be there in spite of my distaste for them. I might be polite in public but very likely still use all the socially improper terms for them including slurring jokes and metaphors behind closed doors when only those closest to me are present. Tolerance doesn't move me to understand them.

We used the word tolerance for our "Provocative Word Theological Reflection" exercise last night. Words and phrases like "put up with," "assumes low expectations," "hopelessness," "passive disapproval," and "lose-lose" came forth. When we asked ourselves "What does our tradition teach us about tolerance?" we realized the Old Testament and what Christ teaches about tolerance… was blank! Did Jesus tell us to "tolerate our neighbor?" Did "God so tolerate the earth that he gave his only son?" Situations are to be tolerated, people are to be understood and loved. I know, it's not easy.

If our churches are the houses of God, tolerance may have put us on the front porch to notice the world around us, but it certainly doesn't require us to step off of that porch and walk alongside those whose lives challenge our own comfortable beliefs and assumptions. I believe this is what Jesus was teaching.

I would like to see the Episcopal Church be prayerfully discerning and affirming. Discernment keeps the focus of our sinfulness on our own souls; not that of another person. Affirmation is, to liberally quote our forefathers, to recognize "that all humankind is created equal."