He believes that God called him to marry his wife, a priest in the Diocese of Long Island, and "to have a special role of ministry to her that would enable her to minister to the wider church."

Roy Murphy, shown with wife Abigail, considers being a clergy spouse a vocation.
"It's a special role of support," he said. It may mean "little things," like having Sunday lunch ready for the Rev. T. Abigail Murphy when she finishes the day's three services, he said. "I try to be here for her when she comes in late from a meeting and she needs to wind down."

When difficulties arise, that sense of vocation provides "a rock that you can hold on to," Murphy said.

It also helps to talk with other clergy spouses. Murphy started an e-mail list, CSpice, for clergy spouses because, at the time, he wasn't in touch with any in his diocese. "They had a clergy wives luncheon, but I as a male spouse ... wasn't invited to that."

(That's changed. Five years later, Murphy and another male clergy spouse are hosting the 2002 diocesan clergy spouse luncheon.

As a male clergy spouse in general, he noted, "I think I've had an easier time, just from talking to some of the women on my list, because I think there's been lower expectations." When he attended the cathedral where his wife worked previously, he said, "no one expected that I would go to the altar guild tea. I was known to be working full-time.")

CSpice includes 65 to 70 members throughout the world, mostly Anglicans, Lutherans or Presbyterians. Murphy invites spouses and fiances of priests and seminarians to join so they can ask questions and get an idea of what to expect. To join, contact CSpice, go to http://www.panix.com/~murphy/CSpice.html